AFTER YOUR HEALING - PG 258 AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX

Healing is only the beginning.  When you are completely healed of everything wrong in your life - your body, your business, difficulties in personal relationships, obvious faults in your own character -  you will not have finished your work.  Your real work will only be commencing.

Your real work is to show and experience the glory of God, to build a spiritual consciousness, "the house magnifical".  Conscious fear will have gone, and your whole world will be different.  The physical world will be different because it will be clothes in a new glory - "the light that never was on sea or land".  Then people will be different because you will be beginning to know their real selves instead of  nearly the outer shell, and, of course, everyone will notice that you are different too.

This is not to say that healing is unimportant - it has to proceed the building.  Let us endeavor to get our own healing completed as soon as possible in order to help the world that is needing it so much.  Bless the Lord... who healeth all diseases...who crowneth thee with loving kindness... Psalm 103 2-4

The thing that jumps out at me is how different the first paragraph is from the teachings in AA.  Now I am sure there will be AA members who try and align the message of recovery with this passage.  In my experience, this is far from what AA teaches.  The message above calls for total healing.  AA in my experience does not.  In fact they claim to be men who have lost their legs they never grow new ones.  I will say that there are components of AA's governing text - the Big Book that are in total conflict with my experience in the program .  Here's a part from AA's Vision for You chapter with my comments in each section:

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. Really?  Suggestive?  How does this statement  match with the "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path part of chapter 5? We realize we know only a little. Really?  We know only a little?  How does this statement match with the attitude AA members have about AA is the only way for drunks to get and maintain sobriety?  In addition this statement appears to align with the statement in the book about contempt prior to investigation, but most AA members are at odds with anything that questions AA principles.  God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. If this is true, how is it then that the basic text off AA has not changed since its initial publication?  Hasn't anything else been revealed?  And if something is revealed to a member that leads him or her to an alternate path, they are met with harsh criticism and told their mind cannot be trusted.  Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. Again, what if the answers that come in your morning meditation differ from AA's religion?  What if the answer that comes to you is that God's grace is sufficient for you and that AA is full of negative thought about the individual and teaches its members to accept total defeat in this area of their lives?  and See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. This is almost laughable.  It really should read Abandon yourself to God as you understand God provided God doesn't reveal to you that you don't need AA.  If that happens you are deceiving yourself and your mind cannot be trusted because you are defective.  Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. This is also NOT the mentality within AA.  It should read give freely of what you find as long as it doesn't deviate from our message of permanent powerlessness over alcohol or any other of the "you are a cripple teachings.  We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. 
May God bless you and keep you—until then.

DIVINE LOVE NEVER FAILS - PG 244 Around the Year with Emmet Fox

Read 1 Corinthians 13
   Divine Love never fails.  Divine Love solves every problem.  Statements like these appear again and again in Metaphysical book, and, of course, they are perfectly true; Certain it is that many people firmly believe them, and yet have obviously have been unable to prove them in demonstration.  Why is this?

The explanation is that, consciously or unconsciously, people think of love as some sort of power outside of themselves; and they expect that presently, if they beg hard enough, this power will come down and rescue them.  There is, in fact, no such outside power, and therefore you cannot receive help in that way.  The only place where love can exist, as far as you are concerned, is in your own heart.  Any love that is not in you heart does not exist for you.


The thing for you to do, then, is to fill your own heart with Love, by thinking it, feeling it, and expressing it; and when this sense of love is vivid enough it will heal you and solve your problems, and it will enable you to heal others to.  This is the Law of Being and none of us can change it.

Yea I have loved thee with an everlasting love - Jeremiah 31:3

This is such a beautiful passage and it is so true for me in my life.  This idea that I needed to come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity, (Step 2 of AA's Twelve Steps) was always tough to swallow.  I am beginning to understand why I struggled with this.  In the past, I always thought I was having a hard time with the "sanity" reference.  In reality, I believe I was struggling with the "ANY POWER WILL DO" concept taught in AA.  I know a man who uses a football as his higher power, and I'm sure you have heard the old doorknob is my higher power nonsense.  One one had, the program of AA claims that the program must have depth and weight, (credibility) and then on the other had, you have an ANY POWER WILL DO nonsense.  So to reference the main object of the Big Book - to help you find a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem for you again, I always believe that that power needed to come from "outside" of me.  In other words, my interpretation of the "Higher Power" has always been a force outside and totally separate from me.  Something that if called upon would enter me somehow and solve my problem.  Here's an opinion.  I believe the AA religion really has itself as its Higher Power.  It is often suggested that if a person is having a hard time believing in a power greater than himself, they should use AA or the group as their higher power.  How about the reference to GOD as Group of Drunks. Hmmmmm.

How about this... The Kingdom of God is inside ALL of us and all around us. There is no magic separate power out there that will solve ANY of my problems.  I can tap in to the infinite power that resides in me though.  I don't need to connect with an outside power, I need to awaken the God given inside power.  Could it be possible that the only reason the AA religion stays alive is because people have turned the program and the groups in to their higher power?  Isn't this what Bill W. and crew were hoping for when they created the "selfish" program of AA?  A self-loathing, dependent, body of sheep that would never question the validity of AA's twelve steps.  I am so happy to be thinking for myself!

DWELLING ON SHINAR - Around the Year with Emmet Fox - Page 243

The story of the tower of Babel begins by saying that the whole earth was of one language and of one speech.  That is to say, there was unity of thought and expression.  Your faith was firm and dynamic.  Then you allowed your conciousness to fall.  And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there (Genesis 11:2).  The plain means any kind of negative thinking in contradistinction to the hill or mountain, which stands for prayer or spiritual insight .The bible mentioned that they dwelt on that plain (or in that state of mind).  It is not an occasional negative thought that does the harm, it is the thought or the false belief that is dwelt upon that caused your trouble.

Habitual wrong thinking, false beliefs, long entertained, build up a conviction both conscious and subconscious  that we have to rely upon ourselves.  Of course, nothing could be more discouraging than such an idea, and in its turn it produces more fear.

In the parable these people got the absurd idea that they could reach heaven (regain harmony) by building a material tower.  This describes that sense of insecurity and apprehension that has always beset the greater part of mankind because they have not realized the Presence and Power of God, and their essential unity with Him.

Then the account says that the Lord scattered the people abroad, and confounded their language that they could not understand one another's speech.  The confusion of tounges is a graphic description of the state of mind of those who have not yet to begun to center their lives on God, for only fear and chaos can come to them until they do.

Since leaving Alcoholics Anonymous, I have seen a steady decrease in the amount of negative thinking I have about myself.  If I am honest though, I think I have traded the negative thought about me for negative thought about AA and that's not good either.  I am trying hard not to be resentful to AA but honestly I feel like I have been awakened from a 30-year nightmare of self-doubt and unwarranted dread. I believe more and more each day that the habitual negative thinking about myself that began in AA decades ago has had a profoundly negative impact on my life. 


I imagine anyone from AA who might read this would cite the AA line about me  taking responsibility for my part  in the  resentment I have for AA. Here's my part.  I drank alcohol and smoked pot as a 13 and 14 year old boy.  This caused my parents to put me in a teen center for drug and alcohol treatment where I was emotionally and sexually abused and stripped of all self worth and positive feelings about myself.  Then I got fed up and ran away.  After much reflection and prayer, I have come to believe that my spirit never fully recovered from the emotional and sexual abuse I experienced in this treatment center.  In fact, I believe in some way I thought I probably got what I deserved for disobeying my parents.  Just writing that whole thing out makes me sad for myself.  But as I am coming to understand and as Emmet so eloquently writes, "It is not an occasional negative thought that does the harm, it is the thought or the false belief that is dwelt upon that caused your trouble".  So let's flip that resentment on its head.  I am in the place I am today because of those experiences.  I met my soul mate in an AA meeting.  AA served as a governor, a speed limited for the downward spiral I was on a result of my negative self image.  At the risk of sounding schizophrenic, I am grateful to AA for the role it played in making me who I am today.  That doesn't mean that I am going to allow AA's negative thought-control to remain a part of my life.




Negative thought about self... this is the biggest problem I have with Alcoholics Anonymous.  This is the issue.  This is the core of what is wrong with AA.  AA is a place where negative thought about yourself is a requirement.  Think I'm exaggerating?  Consider the following commonly recited lines of AA rhetoric.  "My natural state is as a drunk"  "My best efforts led me to AA", or my personal favorite, "I am powerless". Other great negative thought control statements like, "without the program of AA, I will end up drunk, or find myself in jails institutions, or dead" and  "Quit your stinking thinking" are designed to constantly remind the AA member that he or she is powerless, and unable to live a happy, joyous and free life without AA's program.  So here's my question.  If God exists within me and all around me and my only requirement is to give myself over to the power that God has already placed inside me and I have free will, how am I powerless?  Maybe it is just me, but does anyone else see the insanity of the idea that we are powerless?  If God is either everything or nothing, and the truth of the Lord is written on every mans heart (God exists within us all), how can anyone be powerless? 


Here's what I think.  And to admit this is to admit that I was guilty of taking the easy way out by remaining in AA myself.  Everyone has a choice after reaching a point in their drinking where they are out-of-control.  The choice is to ignore the higher path, and keep drinking knowing that it is causing problems or to connect with the God that exists within each of us a allow him to change us from the inside out.  Have I oversimplified?  AA provides a third and cowardly option.  An option created by a desperate group of people (Bill W and crew) - Here it is... We have been afflicted with an unprovable, incurable disease that has prevented us from making that choice.  Moreover, since we have a disease that is both physical and spiritual, we could not have made that choice if we wanted to.  But follow our simple program completely and you can live.  Choose against it and you will end up in jail, or a mental institution, or dead...

THE TOWER OF BABEL - Around the year with Emmet Fox Page 242

The whole world was of one language and of one speak
(Genesis 11.1) 

The story of the tower of Babel is so simple, so concrete, and so clear, that if you only heard it once as a child you could never forget it.  It is, of course a parable.  The word Babel means confusion and this parable teaches that when you deny the omnipotence of God, and you do this when you give power to anything else, only confusion can follow.  To be guilty of that sin is really to have many gods and that was the characteristic fault of the heathen.  Those who knew the truth about God worshiped him and him alone and they received the protection and the inspiration that only the truth can give.  At times, however, many of those who had known the Truth, forgot it for a season, and inevitable things began to go wrong.

If you should be in difficulties of any kind, it is certain that you have been committing the sin of the heathen in some way; it may be that at some point you have seen the higher and deliberately chosen the lower.  Now, if you will turn back to God once more, and reaffirm your faith in Him, all will be well again.

 AA teaches that Alcoholism is a progressive, incurable and fatal disease.  The AA religion also claims that the alcoholic suffers from an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.  In today's reading, what strikes me, is is the power I have given to the AA religion and in doing so, how much I have limited the power of an omnipotent God.  No wonder I was confused.  Unfortunately I have decades of "AAbabel" running around in my head.  But like anything, God has the power to restore me to clarity of thought, and a healthy soul.  I keep coming back to AA's main object as stated in the Big Book. "The main object of this book is to help you find a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem for you".  I love this paragraph.  But I believe I took it out of context for many years.  I also believe that most people in AA mis-interpret this central theme.

Several days ago, I wrote that I was planning to tell several members of AA that after much thought, prayer and meditation, I believe God had revealed to me that I no longer needed AA meetings, or the program of AA and that God's grace was sufficient for me.  Well I have done that, actually to be fair I haven't put it in those exact terms.  I am embarrassed to admit I was afraid to do so.  So I took the chicken's way out and asked a couple of friends if they believed our friendship was in anyway tied to my involvement in the AA religion?  Sadly, one affirmed my fears and told me that it was.  The other failed to even answer my question about being friends once they heard that I was questioning the almighty teachings of Bill W.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by their responses.  But after reflecting on it for awhile, I have moved from the resentful, judging feelings - like "who do you think you are" and "you hypocrites" to;  The path they are on now is no better or worse than the one I am on now.  They believe as strongly as I do that they are on the right path.  Honestly who am I to judge them.

My prayer:
Lord, I pray for everyone in AA's journey to you.  I pray that they would find peace and harmony in this world and relief from the bondage of self-loathing, fear and entrapment caused by alcoholic living.

THE BOOK OF GENESIS- PG 241

Genesis means origin or beginning, and this, the first book of the Bible explains how things and conditions come into existence.  Genesis deals with the creative power of thought.  The first section deals with generic thought.  The second, the story of Adam and Eve, deals with specific thought, or how a given person builds every condition that exists in his life.  The sections covering Cain and Able, the tower of Babel, the flood, the story of Abraham and his family, the story of Joseph and his brethren, all deal in different ways with the creative power of thought, showing how it is the Genesis of all things that exist.  The book of Genesis is partly allegorical and partly historical.  Unless you have the spiritual meaning behind the story you do not possess the Bible at all.

    The covenant of Sinai, necessary and good in its place, signifies the attempt to order things from the outside and is, of course, much better than anarchy; but he who is on the spiritual path must pass beyond this to the spiritual Jerusalem, which is the ordering of things from the inside by the practice of the presence of God.  This is the New Jerusalem that cometh straight down from God out of Heaven.

    And I John saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down from God out of Heaven (Revelation 21:2).

    The book of Genesis having explained the creative power of thought, the other books of the Bible then proceed to illustrate the way in which the laws of thought work in different circumstances, but Genesis is the foundation of it all.

It’s amazing how literally I have tried to interpret the Bible.  It has always been a struggle for me to accept the Bible in an absolute and literal sense.  It has been especially difficult for me to blindly accept certain chronological and historical writings.  Rather than get all wrapped up in inconsistencies I have decided to pray for the Holy Spirit to help me discern.  I have prayed for God to reveal His truth to me.  One thing I am beginning to get clarity on though is the gift I have been given to practice the presence of God.  I am doing this these days to the best of my ability and the results have been indescribable. 

I have been thinking about the similarities between the Bible and the Big Book.  Perhaps one of the reasons I have always struggled with the program of AA is that so much emphasis is placed on this poorly written, human creation.  Some people in AA actually believe Bill Wilson was a prophet. This is sad to me.  Bill Wilson was a man trying to wrestle with his demons as best he could.  Rumor has it he screwed a lot of people over and begged for a shot of whisky on his deathbed.  Doesn’t sound like freedom ever found Bill.  But freedom doesn’t really find any of us does it?  We find freedom and I am beginning to believe the search for freedom is a very individual and personal quest. I have to say it makes me more than a little angry that AA has received the blessing of our court system and become the foundation for over 95% of all drug and alcohol treatment programs.

My Prayer
Lord, I pray for your wisdom and for the ability to accurately discern the spiritual principles of the Bible.  I pray that I would be loving and patient with my family and become a good teacher and role model for them to follow.

The Conquering Horse

Page 240 Around the year with Emmet Fox.

And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering and to conquer (Revelation 6:2)
    The White Horse is the spiritual nature, and the man or woman who rides the White Horse achieves freedom, and joy, and ultimate and harmony.
    We are told two very interesting things about the Horseman on the White Horse; the Bible says he that sat on him had a bow. The bow and arrow is an ancient symbol of the spoken word.  When you speak the Word you shoot an arrow.  It goes where you aim it.  The Horseman on the White Horse speaks the Word.  The rider on the White Horse also wears a crown, and the crown is a symbol of victory.  The rider on the White Horse is always the victor.
    This, then, is the story of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.  If you want peace, an understanding of God, there is only one way –you must ride the White Horse

It’s Sunday today and normally a day of rest for me.  This passage gets me kind of riled up though.  Since this blog is designed to help me and others deprogram from the powerless teachings of AA, can you imagine telling the rider of the White Horse he can have victory over everything but Alcoholism?   Or that he dare not ride in the direction of addiction because it is a lost battle for him?  Better that if he does dare battle Addiction, he needs to take his sponsor with him? I’m curious about how the following statement would be viewed in Alcoholics Anonymous.  And this is my story by the way.

How would AA members respond to this: I have been connecting with God a lot recently.  Rather than simply praying for God to keep me sober that day and my other daily prayers, I have been asking Him to reveal himself more to me and for me to better understand His will for me.  During these connections, I received a strong conviction that AA was keeping me realizing total freedom and that all I needed to do to recover was to trust Him and that His grace was sufficient for me. I think I will try this tomorrow with several of my AA friends to see what the response will be.  My prediction is that they will remind me that my mind is flawed and that it cannot be trusted.  In addition, they will remind me that I have demonstrated repeatedly that I cannot stay sober without going to a lot of AA meetings.  I might even hear the dreaded jails, institutions, or death scare tactic.  No doubt I will be labeled as one of those constitutionally incapable of being honest unfortunates.  I am coming to believe that for many members in AA, they need people to relapse and come back in all beat up to prove to them that the program of AA really works.  Honestly I believe they need people to manifest the horror stories that are told in the rooms in order for them to remind themselves of the biggest lie AA has running.  The lie – AA is your only chance and without it you are destined to drink again.

Seems like this passage struck a nerve and clearly I have a strong opinion about the programming that exists within AA.  I have set out to prove God right though and not to prove AA wrong. 

My prayer:
Lord, thank you for my victory over addiction and for the fire you have put inside me to shine brightly for you.  Please be with me as I go out to prove you right.  Please protect me and my family from evil and bless all of my friends and family.

Three Wild Horses

And I looked, and behold a pale horse; and his name sat on him was Death, and Hell follower with him (Revalation 6:8)
   The first horse is a Pale Horse and "pale" means the color of terror, a kind of ashen gray.  The Pale Horse stands for the physical body.  If you live but for the body, there is nothing but hell awaiting you on this plane or anywhere else.  The body is the most cruel taskmaster of all, when it is allowed to be the ruler, the Pale Horse indicates all other physical addictions too.  When the Bible sometimes calls the "world" - money, position, material honors.  Whoever lives for worldly pursuits, is the rider on the Pale Horse.
   And there went out another horse that was red; and power was given to him that sat theron to take peace from the earth (Revalation 6:4).
   The Red Horse is your emotional nature, your feelings.  It is dangerous to allow your feelings to have control.  this does not mean that emotion is a bad thing in itself.  Unctontrolled emotion is a bad thing.  A strong emotional nature is a splendid endowement if you are the master, but fi t is mastering you, you are riding on the Red Horse.
   And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand (Revalation 6:5).
   A pair of scales is here the symbol of unbalance.  The Black Horse stands for the intellect.  Riding the Black Horse is letting your intellect dominate to the exclusion of the emotional, and especially of the spiritual nature.  It is a good thing to have the intellect well trained, but it is a misfortune to let it be the master.  Western civilization has been definately riding the Black Horse since the close of the Middle Ages.  Humanity has developed scientific, intellectual knowledge far beyond the point to which it has developed the moral and spiritual understanding of the race.

What an awesome description of the body, mind and heart.  As I was reading, it was hard not to start thinking of the people I am connected to in this life and then make a judgment about what horse they were riding. In terms of Alcoholics, I believe most ride the Pale Horse.  At least I know this to be true in my life.  I don't like feeling emotional pain.  I have a low threshold for anything painful emotionally.   Maybe the key is to switch horses at the right time.  Let's jump on the Black Horse for a minute.  It doesn't make much sense to feed the Red Horse a bunch of drugs and alcohol that  magnify or dull the senses it needs to navigate effectively does it?  Nor does it make sense to expect the Pale Horse to take over and be able to navigate out of an emotional forest of feelings. But that is exactly what I do.  So clearly the answer is to ride the White Horse.  Maybe that's heaven, me on a white horse for all eternity.  Unfortunately I live on earth and earth appears to be planet Krypton for my White Horse.  Maybe this is what Jesus speaks of when he talks about us being able to do all of the things he has done and even greater things.

Alcoholics Anonymous is correct in many respects about the importance of living a spiritual life.  The AA program also breaks life down in to manageable pieces calling for one-day-at-a-time living.  It also references the truth that each of us allow our instincts and natural character qualities to get out of balance.  The problem I have with AA is how it states that Alcoholics are like men who have lost their legs and they never grow new ones and that AA meetings and reliance on a sponsor are required for a life free from the destruction caused by allowing the physical or White Horse to dominate their lives.  I wonder what Jesus would say about Alcoholics Anonymous. 


My prayer - Lord, I pray that I would trust the ability I have to chose which horse to ride.  Release in me the balance I need to live happy, joyous and free.  Remove from me the doubt I have over my ability to chose and free my mind, body, and heart.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Read Revelation 6
    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse give the key to the nature of man as we know him.  When you understand these symbols thoroughly you will understand your own makeup, and you will be able to begin the work of getting dominion over yourself and your surroundings.
    The Bible is not written in the style of a modern book.  It has a method of conveying knowledge through picturesque symbols, the reason being that this is the only possible way in which knowledge could be given to people in all ages in different parts of the world and for different degrees of spiritual development.  A symbol appeals to any audience, each individual getting just what he is ready for.
    The Horsemen of the Apocalypse stand for the four parts or elements of our human nature.  There is, first of all, the physical body – the thing that you see when you look in to the glass.  Then there is your feelings or emotions, and although cannot “see” your feelings, you are tremendously conscious of them.  Third, there is your intellect, which contains every bit of knowledge that you posses.  Finally there is spiritual nature, your real eternal self, the true you, the I AM, the indwelling Christ.  This is your total identity, which is eternal.  Almost everyone believes in its existence, but most people are very little conscious of it as an actuality.
    Ultimately the time will come when the first three will be merged in the fourth, and then we shall all know instead of only believing that the spiritual nature is all.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

This completely defines the conflict that resides in me.  Finding a healthy and honest way to acknowledge that I am made up of these four parts is a constant battle.  Allowing each part to exist on its own without judging it or labeling it as good or bad is very difficult for me.  The way that these four parts interact and feed off one another really defines the overall vibe that I put out as an earthly child of God.  There is so much to this passage. I had never really thought of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as symbols.  To be honest, other than the Johnny Cash song, “When the Man Comes Around”, I really hadn’t considered them much at all, yet they so perfectly describe the battle within.  The idea that the “I AM” or indwelling Christ is my real eternal self has always been a difficult concept for me to understand in the context of being here on earth as a human.  It is sad to me that if I am really honest about my life, this is the horse I feed the least.  It is also the horse that I pay the least amount of attention to.  I suspect that this is true of Alcoholics in general.  And when I think of AA’s central theme “To help you find a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem for you” I believe most people in AA misinterpret it.  Take for example this idea that “ANY” higher power will do that AA prescribes.  I believe this idea is nothing more than a parlor trick used to cause members to spend less time on the three horses that steal time from the spirit horse.  If it succeeds in helping a person starve the other three horses, I suppose it is not all bad.  But to think that any real deep spiritual growth will result from calling a doorknob your higher power is difficult for me to swallow.  I think this has been a core source of skepticism for me with the program of AA and I haven’t, until now, really been able to define it.  But the point of recovery is to life a happy, joyous, and free life.  How an individual achieves that isn’t something I need to worry about.  If spiritual misdirection serves them and causes them to move on to a deeper spiritual understanding, wonderful.  But just as it is inappropriate for me to “label” his or her path as wrong, it is equally inappropriate for anyone in AA to judge mine.

Prayer – Lord I pray that you would help me pay more attention to the spiritual horse in my life and that by doing so I would find equilibrium  in my life here on earth.  I also pray for all of the members in AA and that their spiritual path would lead them all to you.