Accept No Second Bests!

        In the depths of his being man always feels intuitively that there is a way out of his difficulties if only he can find it. The infant, as yet uncontaminated by the defeatism of his elders, simply refuses to tolerate inharmony on any terms, and therefore he demonstrates over it. When he is hungry he tells the world while many a sophisticated adult goes without. Does he find a pin sticking in some part of his anatomy? Not for him a sigh of resignation to the supposed "will of God" or a whine about never having any luck, or a sigh that what cannot be cured must be endured. His instincts tell him that life and harmony are inseparable.

        Refuse to tolerate anything less than harmony. You can have a happy and joyous life. But to do so you must seize the rudder of your own destiny and steer boldly for the port that you intend to make. What are you doing about your future?

        For not the hearers of the law are just before God, but the doers of the law shall be justified (Romans 2:13).

When I read through this passage it was hard for me not to travel back in time to the days when my children were babies. Honestly it made me feel kind of sad for them and guilty for allowing my "defeatism" to infect their lives. As we go through this year together, you will see how much of a movie lover I am. I also love music. A favorite movie of mine is called V for Vendetta. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it. In one of V's most powerful moments, the character V states "The truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country" I think it's like that with our lives as well. We have this inner voice, this spiritual barometer, that let's us know when we are living out of harmony with the perfect pitch of our souls. Emmet Fox highlights how easily a baby cries out against this sour note. I know for me, over time I became accustomed to a life constantly interrupted by actions that were out of tune with the key my life should be playing in. The result was a life not very easy to listen to by me or others in my band or the audience listening to my life.


So what does all of that have to do with Alcoholism, Recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous? Well for one, Alcoholics Anonymous in my opinion teaches that we should not trust that inner voice, that our thinking is "defective". On page 44-45 of the Big Book, the authors state:

        "If mere morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes or philosophies did not save us no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact we could will these things with all of our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources as marshalled by the will were not sufficient, they failed utterly.

See the subtle defeatism here? The problem lies in the idea that somehow alcoholics are incapable of finding the needed power to, overcome alcoholism. That's a pile of you know what. It's like saying that the baby no matter how hard he tried could not find the power to express its hunger when we know that the baby just naturally cried, I am hungry. This is just like when my soul cries out, I am stressed out or, my life is off key. The problem in my life is that rather than cry out and release that inharmony so I can hear how out of tune I am, I "cry in" silently until there are many sour notes echoing around in my head that they drowned out the perfect pitch I need to call on for relief. I am beginning to believe that perfect pitch resides in us all and it is a gift from God. So I disagree with the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is not a lack of power that keeps a person from being moral. It is rather that the alcoholic lives in a temporary tone deaf state caused by choosing to "cry in" vs. out that keeps the alcoholic from tuning in and harmonizing with the perfect pitch that sings endlessly throughout his life.


Prayer for today...

Lord be with my family today, be with everyone in Alcoholics Anonymous that I know and love. Be with me as I try and tune in to the perfect pitch you have placed within me and help me trust that you built me to live in harmony with you and my fellows.

Day 1

Welcome!

Emmet Fox wrote this - I read it right after deciding to steal the Julie and Julia concept of blogging through a book. Actually it confirmed my commitment to proceed with the year long "Reality Blog". Here's what Emmet wrote for today August 24th

There is no need to be unhappy. There is no need to be disappointed, or oppressed or aggrieved. There is no need for illness or failure or discouragement. There is no necessity for anything but an abounding interest and joy in life.

As long as you accept a negative condition at its own valuation, so long will you remain in bondage to it. but you have only to assert your birthright as a free man or woman and you will be free.

Success and happiness are the natural conditions of mankind. It is actually easier to demonstrate these things than the reverse. Bad habits of thinking and acting may obscure this fact for a time, just as a wrong way of walking or sitting, or holding a pen or a musical instrument may seem to be easier than the proper way, because we have accustomed ourselves to it; but the proper way is easier nevertheless.

Unhappiness, frustration, poverty, loneliness are really bad habits that their victims have become accustomed to bear, believing that there is no way out, whereas there is a way; and that way is simply to acquire good habits of working with the Law instead of against it.

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy Law (Psalm 19:18)
Page 236 - Emmet Fox Around the year with Emmet Fox.

So I am setting out on a one-year journey to live the life I know I was meant to live. Sounds like a pretty ordinary self-improvement goal. The twist is that I have been diagnosed as an Alcoholic. I have been in and out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous since my initial diagnosis in 1979. This diagnosis came to me at the tender age of 13 in Minneapolis Minnesota. I have held various lengths of sobriety, the longest was approximately 9 years. I am sober now and in the past 19 months I have been sober for all but 9 days. I will leave my sobriety date out of this for now, but let's assume I have less than 1 year of continuous sobriety.

I can hear the questions now. Why on earth would you leave AA? You're crazy! Do you want to Die? AA is the place where alcoholics get and stay sober! Do they? I know that is the perception within our society. AA has the backing of the court system and a never-ending funnel pouring prospective members into its doors with the revolving Drug and Alcohol treatment system in our country.

Here's my hypothesis: The initial "you are an alcoholic" seed planted in me as a 13-year old boy messing around with Alcohol and Pot immediately took up root. Attached to the deepest part of my self image, this seed infected me. As a result, I have manifested the self-destruction and alcoholic behavior I learned were characteristics of Alcoholics. The belief that I am afflicted with a mysterious, unprovable, and incurable disease has been a corrosive and paralyzing force in my life. Not because it actually exists, but because I have continued feed its existence and keep it alive by believing it to be true. I was told I was an alcoholic by my parents, doctors and nurses, therapists and counselors. My diagnosis was confirmed by the members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I originally was going to start a blog called "Is AA a death Cult?". I've reconsidered. Rather than set out to prove Alcoholics Anonymous wrong, I have set out to prove God right. Subtle difference in motivation wouldn't you say? I have been in prayer and constant thought and meditation over this issue for nearly a month now. Initially the fear in doing this was almost unbearable - the tapes from AA are pretty fresh in my mind. Here are the "programming" themes of AA.

AA Top 3 fears
#1 That I have an unprovable, progressive, fatal and incurable disease. The "disease" of alcoholism.

#2 Without treatment over any considerable time I will get worse without the 12 steps and AA meetings

#3 Unless I completely give myself to the simple AA program I will fail and am constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself.

The hope
"Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:52

Matthew 9:22 But Jesus turning and seeing her said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well." At once the woman was made well.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

⁷So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

My prayer
Lord, I pray that I will trust the power that resides in me through your son and that my faith in you would be strengthened each day. I pray that you would keep me humble throughout this process and that I will stay focused on proving you right with my surrendered life. Please protect me and my family through this journey from fear and doubt. Thank you for the courage to trust you with my life.

Amen!